With just a week left to go there is a lot of talk from the sub-500 teams who haven’t been eliminated yet that they may still be playoff bound if they can win out. We’d like to just shoot them and put them out of their misery now.
If you’ve played 12 games and you’ve only won 5, go ahead and book that weekend trip to the car wash for next weekend because you’re not going to the playoffs. Sure, it’s mathmatically possible, but a .500 team hasn’t been in the playoffs since the Spring of 2009 when we had 8 teams and 4 of them (that’s half for those teams who haven’t won half, so don’t know that) made it to postseason.
Yes, the expansion of the playoffs to 8 teams up from 6, puts us at 40% of the teams making it to the postseason. Not exactly the cream of the crop, but it’s going to take a little better than .500, or it should.
Only three teams have officially been eliminated so far, but the seven teams at 5-7 or worst might as well be. They’re banking on a large scale tie up between 3-5 teams at 7-7 for the final playoff spot. If that happened, we’d settle the matter with a double elimination tournament of all the teams tied for the final spot to determine who goes on.
They’re also banking on the Janitors and Canvassers, who are currently tied for the last spot at 6-6 or the Ha’chi Mountaineers who have three games left to play this week at 5-6 to all fail to pick up two wins. We don’t think that’s going to happen, but weirder things have.
Here are the predictions from the Commish’s Desk.
They aren’t offically settled, but might as well be.
- Barnburners will end up with the #1 seed going 13-1, they already won the Southern Division.
- Wheelchair will get the #2 spot, also 13-1 out of the Northern Division.
- Moose Knuckles, the rookie surprises, will hold on to the #3 seed at 11-3 from the Central.
- Scared Hitless (weren’t they in the World Series last season) will get the #4 seed with a 10-4 record from the Eastern Division.
- The #5 seed, also known as the worst division champ will go to the DC Twits at 9-5 after they clinch the Western.
Now…a little more interesting are the three wild card teams. We know, it’s too many. We should have stuck with one only.
- Picking an upset here and assuming the We’d Hit That version that has penises show’s up, they’ll go 2-0 this weekend to claim the top wildcard spot, a #6 seed with a 9-5 record.
- NWO is playoff bound, unfortunately, even though we’re predicting them to go 0-2 on the weekend with Alex Filides on the DL and end with an 8-6 record but win the #7 seed in a tie-breaker.
- Canvassers catch a break drawing an NWO that doesn’t feature Filides, and should go 2-0 to return to the playoffs with an 8-6 record and the #8 seed. NWO and Canvassers would be tied, and would have split 1-1 on the season, but the run diff favors NWO unless the Canvassers give them a serious beating this weekend which we doubt, look for a 2-1 or 3-1 decision.
Expect three teams at 7-7 to get pats on the the back, but not much else and go home unhappy – the Janitors, Mountaineers and Suns Out Guns Out. Two of those teams were in the postseason last year, but shouldn’t be this season. Of the three, the Janitors with their MVP candidate Kevin Higman probably have the best shot, drawing the DC Twits, who are, and the Nasty Boys, who are not. We could see the Janitors getting into a three way-tie with NWO and the Canvassers for the final two spots at 8-6.
Most Interesting Men (remember when they were good?), Dupont Circle Jerks and Master Batters (remember when they were good?) will all end up with disappointing losing seasons at 6-8 and long for next season when the Barnburners won’t be playing and half of Superman’s Wheelchair is moving to other cities. Then, maybe just then, they’ll get to .500, but still won’t make the playoffs.
Of course, anything can happen, and it should be fun to watch. It could all come down to the final game of the season, the only 4:20 game on the schedule, Janitors at Nasty Boys on the Green field.
Hope you’ll stick around with us as we settle it.