Interleague Play: Scared Hitless Beats Self
During the break between the Spring and Summer Seasons Scared Hitless ventured into new territory for the PWL…an exhibition series against another league. They rode along with the Nationals and Senators to London, Ohio, to face off against Scared Hitless of the Kalamazoo Wiffle League (KWL).
Despite a lot of trash talk…our Scared Hitless just wasn’t as good as their Scared Hitless. That’s right, the KWL Scared Hitless (who’s mascot is a unicorn), the 9th best team in their league, beat our Scared Hitless, our World Series runner ups and arguably 2nd best team in our league. They 1-hit our guys in two games under both their rules and then under ours.
Consider the matter of league superiority in terms of player skills settled. But, we can still make a case in other factors. In fact, we at least won them over that our rules are better than their rules. That’s about all we won though.
Two important things were discovered during the exhibition. In their league, the strikeout that happens when the ball foul tips into the board is called the “gay K”. Since we’d like to think of our league as a little more progressive, perhaps we’ll adopt something like “alternative lifestyle K” to refer to that situation.
Also, the KWL is one of those leagues that let girls use a different bat. In fact, this special bat is the reason they say that for much of the season a female player was the best hitter in their league. The bat is apparently black, and closer to the size of a regular baseball bat. They affectionately call it the “vagina bat”.
We likely would have learned more about their culture had they taken us up on our offer to treat them to drinks and wings at the Columbus Hooters following the games, but alas, they had to head back to Michigan that night. Don’t worry, our Scared Hitless still made the trip without them.
(At this point, we’d like to pause to allow Kathryn Poindexter to compose herself.)
If you’re interested in learning more fun facts, the best dialogue between the two squads is during Game 2. At that point they were drunk enough to start talking and forget the camera was on.
GAME 1 – KWL RULES
The KWL rules have no speed limit and pitch from 10 feet farther back. Our guys couldn’t touch the stuff. Adam Kuzmin dominated on the mound striking out 14 and only walking 4. (Yes, they have walks.) Kuzmin’s dinger was the GWRBI, though they did tack on two more runs before it was all over. Nick DiCrosta busted up the no-hitter in the 6th, but that’s all our side managed.
[ full box score ] [ game video ]
| Scared Hitless (PWL) at Scared Hitless (KWL) | |||||||||
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Score By Innings | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | R | H | E |
| Scared Hitless (PWL) | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 |
| Scared Hitless (KWL) | 0 | 1 | 0 | 2 | 0 | 0 | 3 | 2 | 0 |
GAME 2 – PWL RULES
Game 2 was played under our rules. Both teams went with their second starters on the mound, but the story didn’t change for our team. This time it was Brian Lewis who 1-hit us in an 8 inning game. It was Kuzmin again with the GWRBI in the top of the 8th.
[ full box score ] [ game video ]
| Scared Hitless (KWL) at Scared Hitless (PWL) | |||||||||||
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Score By Innings | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | R | H | E |
| Scared Hitless (KWL) | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 5 | 2 |
| Scared Hitless (PWL) | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 3 |
GAME 3 – PWL RULES (SUSPENDED GAME)
The third game started out strong for our guys, getting up 3-1 early as both teams went to their third string pitchers. However, darkness was rolling in and the team bus needed to be loaded. The third game wasn’t decisive anyway, with the KWL winning the first two. But, it would have been good for the PWL to at least claim one W.
[ full box score ] [ game video ]
| Scared Hitless (PWL) at Scared Hitless (KWL) | |||||||
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Score By Innings | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | R | H | E |
| Scared Hitless (PWL) | 3 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 3 | 4 | 0 |
| Scared Hitless (KWL) | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 0 |
AF, Sep 11, 03:54 AM:
Only people in and around DC care about political correctness. Don’t forget gay can also mean stupid.
“ In their league, the strikeout that happens when the ball foul tips into the board is called the “gay K”. Since we’d like to think of our league as a little more progressive, perhaps we’ll adopt something like “alternative lifestyle K” to refer to that situation. “
Brian Lewis, Sep 13, 10:25 AM:
This will definitely need to be a yearly rivalry. Urinating in the soy beans was too much fun to not do it again.