Interleague Play: Scared Hitless Beats Self

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During the break between the Spring and Summer Seasons Scared Hitless ventured into new territory for the PWL…an exhibition series against another league. They rode along with the Nationals and Senators to London, Ohio, to face off against Scared Hitless of the Kalamazoo Wiffle League (KWL).

Despite a lot of trash talk…our Scared Hitless just wasn’t as good as their Scared Hitless. That’s right, the KWL Scared Hitless (who’s mascot is a unicorn), the 9th best team in their league, beat our Scared Hitless, our World Series runner ups and arguably 2nd best team in our league. They 1-hit our guys in two games under both their rules and then under ours.

Consider the matter of league superiority in terms of player skills settled. But, we can still make a case in other factors. In fact, we at least won them over that our rules are better than their rules. That’s about all we won though.

Two important things were discovered during the exhibition. In their league, the strikeout that happens when the ball foul tips into the board is called the “gay K”. Since we’d like to think of our league as a little more progressive, perhaps we’ll adopt something like “alternative lifestyle K” to refer to that situation.

Also, the KWL is one of those leagues that let girls use a different bat. In fact, this special bat is the reason they say that for much of the season a female player was the best hitter in their league. The bat is apparently black, and closer to the size of a regular baseball bat. They affectionately call it the “vagina bat”.

We likely would have learned more about their culture had they taken us up on our offer to treat them to drinks and wings at the Columbus Hooters following the games, but alas, they had to head back to Michigan that night. Don’t worry, our Scared Hitless still made the trip without them.

(At this point, we’d like to pause to allow Kathryn Poindexter to compose herself.)

If you’re interested in learning more fun facts, the best dialogue between the two squads is during Game 2. At that point they were drunk enough to start talking and forget the camera was on.

GAME 1 – KWL RULES

The KWL rules have no speed limit and pitch from 10 feet farther back. Our guys couldn’t touch the stuff. Adam Kuzmin dominated on the mound striking out 14 and only walking 4. (Yes, they have walks.) Kuzmin’s dinger was the GWRBI, though they did tack on two more runs before it was all over. Nick DiCrosta busted up the no-hitter in the 6th, but that’s all our side managed.

[ full box score ] [ game video ]


Scared Hitless (PWL) at Scared Hitless (KWL)
Score By Innings 1 2 3 4 5 6 R H E
Scared Hitless (PWL) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 1 0
Scared Hitless (KWL) 0 1 0 2 0 0 3 2 0

GAME 2 – PWL RULES

Game 2 was played under our rules. Both teams went with their second starters on the mound, but the story didn’t change for our team. This time it was Brian Lewis who 1-hit us in an 8 inning game. It was Kuzmin again with the GWRBI in the top of the 8th.

[ full box score ] [ game video ]


Scared Hitless (KWL) at Scared Hitless (PWL)
Score By Innings 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 R H E
Scared Hitless (KWL) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 1 1 5 2
Scared Hitless (PWL) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 1 3

GAME 3 – PWL RULES (SUSPENDED GAME)

The third game started out strong for our guys, getting up 3-1 early as both teams went to their third string pitchers. However, darkness was rolling in and the team bus needed to be loaded. The third game wasn’t decisive anyway, with the KWL winning the first two. But, it would have been good for the PWL to at least claim one W.

[ full box score ] [ game video ]


Scared Hitless (PWL) at Scared Hitless (KWL)
Score By Innings 1 2 3 4 R H E
Scared Hitless (PWL) 3 0 0 0 3 4 0
Scared Hitless (KWL) 0 0 1 0 1 1 0

Color Commentary [2] - posted 2010-09-09 02:17 in Scoreboard

Game Video: Battle of Scared Hitless: KWL vs. PWL

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Complete game videos from the two official game “Battle of Scared Hitless” between the Potomac Wiffleball League’s Scared Hitless and the Kalamazoo Wiffle League’s Scared Hitless. The two teams split the difference between DC and Michigan and met in London, Ohio.

Unfortunately, our Scared Hitless team played it as if it was a PWL Postseason Series, and lost the first two games, one under their rules and one under our rules. They did have a 3-1 lead after three innings in the third game with the third string Scared Hitless (KWL) pitcher on the mound, but the game was called early.

In other news, all Scared Hitless teams in ther world have now been required to wear blue uniforms.

Read the full history of the Hitless vs. Hitless battle:
http://www.nationalwiffleballrankings.com/10MoralesScaredHitlessBest.htm

Read the full entry - Color Commentary - posted 2010-09-06 19:58 in Videos

Kalama-Who?

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Tempers are rising in the ongoing battle of Scared Hitless vs. Scared Hitless. Another shot was fired by the Kalamazoo Wiffle League’s Scared Hitless.

In an effort to bring peace to the wiffleball world, Commissioner Gallaway sent an open letter to the Commissioner of the Kalamazoo Wiffle League this evening. [ read the full letter ]

Archive of Posts to Date

Despite it being a valiant effort, league officials predict that it is unlikely that Commissioner Gallaway’s letter will stop either Scared Hitless from continuing to escalate this issue.

Open Letter from Commissioner Gallaway of the Potomac Wiffleball League

May 29, 2010

Brian Meyers
Commissioner
Kalamzoo Wiffle League

Commissioner Meyers:

As part of the international wiffleball community, we as Commissioners have a responsibility to ensure the best interests and highest integrity of the game…

Read the full entry - Color Commentary [7] - posted 2010-05-29 23:26 in Blog

The Battle of Scared Hitless

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About the Author: Nick DiCrosta is a PWL legend and certainly would have two World Series rings if only he hadn’t been out of town during the Summer of 2008 series.

I believe it was after only one of Anthony Ragano’s delicious Miller Lites when I declared in a loud, clear voice for all to hear that Stats Stenson needs to get kicked in the ballz for his habit of posting national rankings based on…well, we don’t really know what. We all agree upon this, yes?

I wouldn’t be telling the truth if I didn’t occasionally peek at the completely arbitrary rankings. Not that I need that kind of validation or anything—no, I just like to have something to talk smack to Tomko on Sundays.

My bone to pick this week isn’t with the Statsman, but his fellow National Wiffleball Association writer Elvis Morales and this article. Apparently, another group of supposed wifflers led by some Ginger kid think they’re clever calling themselves Scared Hitless. This other Scared Hitless wants to copyright the name and on the safety of the KWL website actually go so far as to call for our disbanding.

Never mind that this is our 4th season together and it’s their first. Put aside the fact that we’ve been referenced in one of the nation’s most respected journalistic publications not once, but twice. Forget that the best pitcher and hitter in their league is A GIRL (albeit a cute one…call me, Mellissa!) and their mascot is a Unicorn. If I had read any of the lame Harry Potter books I’d be sure to have a comment about that.

Nope, none of that is important. This calls for a truly futile and stupid gesture on somebody’s part…and we’re just the guys to do it. So, imposter cough, excuse me, “other” Scared Hitless, we accept your challenge. We’ll give you three choices: a duel to the death at dawn, a three game series with mutually agreed upon rules, or if you so choose, proximity mines in the temple. We’re gonna make Bring it On look like Bring it On: All or Nothing.

Color Commentary [11] - posted 2010-05-25 19:10 in Blog